I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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