We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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