i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize