I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
