If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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