Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
