apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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