I will die if light touches me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
