Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
