Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
