sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
