coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
