im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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