i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
