if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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