yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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