how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
