just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
