when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize