I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't make out with my wife yet
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
