do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
