ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Come see our sink grown plant.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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