The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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