I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize