He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
