It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize