Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
