Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
