Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
