he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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