I just saw a hot homeless man
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
