I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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