IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
