i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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