We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
