He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
