From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
