It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
