oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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