it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
my liver is dry heaving
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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