32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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