So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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