and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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