I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
