my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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