I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
