Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
