i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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