i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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