When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
