What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
