I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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