we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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