I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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