At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i now understand why vodka
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
