You can't motorboat a personality
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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