She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
