He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
