Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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