He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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