I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
