And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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