I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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