i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he shaved USA in his pubs
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
