I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
