why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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