you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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