Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize