..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
