Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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