I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize