Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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