he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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