East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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