**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
