She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
