I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
