just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
