I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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