You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
