A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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