we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
