Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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