So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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