first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
