I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
