Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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