an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
