There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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