Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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