So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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