Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
