Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
