I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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