Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
