I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
