I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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