I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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