So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
