Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
they're like a gay fantastic four
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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