Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
