im about as happy as oj after his trial
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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