I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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